Category: I Haz Questions

  • Donald Trump’s Most Used Phrases: A Poem

    Donald Trump’s Most Used Phrases: A Poem

    I researched Donald Trump’s most used speech phrases thinking I’d somehow form them into a drinking game for the debates, but realized that was certainly asking to hospitalize everyone I knew from alcohol poisoning.

    So, instead, I offer you a poem where each line is an opt-used quote. It’s… something.

    Words. The very best words.

    Donald Trump in His Own Words

    Atlantic City
    A lot of money
    That I can tell you

    Just so you understand
    We’re going to
    Make America Great Again
    Going to build a wall

    And you know what?
    There’s something going on
    Thousands of people
    All over the place
    We have no idea who

    I called it

    By the way
    Crooked Hillary
    One of the worst
    Better than me?
    Excuse me?
    Give me a break

    Unbelievable.

    (Believe it)

     

     

  • Gun Permits for the Blind: You’re Damned Right, I Haz Questions.

    Gun Permits for the Blind: You’re Damned Right, I Haz Questions.

    <begin rant>

    I’m going to go ahead and say that this isn’t Iowa’s finest hour. Today, I read this headline:

    Iowa grants gun permits to the blind

    I immediately cocked my head to one side, à la Scooby-Doo, and said “huh?”

    Like any critically thinking person, I did not judge the state of Iowa on the basis of that headline alone. Nay, I withheld judgment until after I actually read the article.

    To my dismay, the article answered no questions, raised several more, and proved that sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.

    Below are some of the more thought-provoking quotables, in no particular order of WTFuckery:

    • “No one questions the legality of the permits.”

    Excuse me? Why the hell not? Someone, somewhere, damn well ought to be questioning the legality of the permits. What the hell is going on in Iowa that people think that this is okay? It is generally accepted that states are allowed to legally keep people who cannot see from doing things that may be considered dangerous to themselves and others. The immediate example that comes to mind is driving. Blind people are not allowed to drive because apparently it needs to be pointed out that blind people cannot see. So can someone please explain to me why it is okay to not question the legality of giving a gun to people who by definition CANNOT SEE?

    Oh, I’m lumping all levels of blindness into one anti-blind people category, you snarl.  It’s only for people who are legally blind, you say? People who meet the legal definition of blindness might, in fact, still be able to see well enough to safely and responsibly handle a fiream, you suggest?

    • “Iowa is granting permits to acquire or carry guns in public to people who are legally or completely blind.”(Emphasis mine.)

    Umm, no. Sorry about that one, folks, try again. Apparently, Iowa is batshit crazy. And you thought it was all cornfields and cattle tipping. These folks are living left of center and enjoy the dangerous life.

    • “The quandary centers squarely on public safety.”

    You think? This is even a point? Hello, you are giving gun permits so that people who cannot see can own a gun.

    • “Polk County officials say they’ve issued weapons permits to at least three people who can’t legally drive and were unable to read the application forms or had difficulty doing so because of visual impairments.” (Emphasis mine again.)

    I know what I’m doing for the rest of my natural life— staying the fuck out of Polk County, Iowa. Are you even hearing the words that are coming out of your mouths? Allow me to translate:

    We gave legal gun permits to people who wanted them so they could own guns. They couldn’t drive to the gun permit place and they couldn’t read the applications. No, they aren’t unable to drive because they never learned, and no, they are not illiterate. They can’t see. We are giving guns to people who cannot see. Yes, that is what we are doing.  Next week, we’re going to set powdered creamer on fire in the town square”

    • “It seems a little strange, but the way the law reads we can’t deny them (a permit) just based on that one thing,”

    And who are the dipshits who let that one slide, I’d like to know? Seriously, lawmakers, when, WHEN are you going to start reading shit before you pass it along?  Clearly, it’s not just a Congress problem.

    • “Jane Hudson, executive director of Disability Rights Iowa, who says blocking visually impaired people from the right to obtain weapon permits would violate the Americans with Disabilities Act. That federal law generally prohibits different treatment based on disabilities.” She later goes on: “The fact that you can’t drive a car doesn’t mean you can’t go to a shooting range and see a target,” Hudson said. (Emphasis mine again, because dammit, this shit needs emphasizing.)

    Uhhhhh, what? That’s EXACTLY what it means. Jane, Jane, honey, I know you have a job to do. And I’m sure they pay you well to do it. But are you seriously going to hang your hat on this argument?

    I’m not interested (in this rant) in going into the lunacy that is the gun rights debate in this country or the unspeakable cruelty that said lunacy imparts. I am, however, interested in common sense, and I am so baffled that this is even a conversation. Are people really this gun crazy? Has it come to this? What the hell is wrong with people? I told you I haz questions? I would think that a person who is blind or visually impaired would be more interested in not inadvertently shooting themselves or anyone else than in gun rights. You couldn’t read the application, and yet, I’m supposed to believe that with special training, you can carry and shoot a weapon? There are full- sighted people I don’t want with a gun.

    This is not a rant against the visually impaired. My uncle is legally blind as a result of his diabetes. There is no way in hell I would give that man a gun. I don’t even want him turning on a stove to cook dinner. I shared this story with a co-worker, who also, oddly enough has a blind uncle, and she noted that he had set himself on fire a couple of times due to his chronic pipe smoking.

    Do with that what you will.

    Blind people can, should, and do lead full, productive lives. I would never advocate for anything that impeded upon their right to be as self-sufficient and independent as possible. I am, however, an advocate for common sense. And giving completely or even legally blind people guns does not strike me as the most sensible idea I’ve heard today.

    <</end rant>>

     

  • Oh, Rachel. I have so many questions.

    Oh, Rachel. I have so many questions.

    Rachel Dolezal

    When it comes to Rachel Dolezal, Kara’s not the only one with questions.

    I have questions.

    Rachel, I have a LOT of questions.

    My first question actually was not “why is she pretending to be Black” because, hello, Black is Beautiful. My first question was “why are her parents ‘outing’ her now, after what appears to be a decade of subterfuge? What are they getting out of it?”  I realize, though, that you might not be able to answer that one.

    I’ll be honest, Rachel. My initial reaction to this was to laugh. Not in a “oh my God, this shit is so funny” kind of way. More in a “really? Huh.” kind of way. I’m not at outrage yet, and I may never get to an emotion as volatile as outrage. I’m kind of on the “Where They Do That At?’ train at this time, making stops at “Huh, You Don’t See That Every Day” and “I Thought Passing Worked The Other Way” stations.

    See, here’s the thing. Historically, White women (White society period) have derided Black women for our looks. However, White women are the first to go tanning (getting that darker skin that is supposedly so unattractive, despite the risks), the first to inject their lips with God only knows what (to get those big “mammy” lips that are supposed to be disgusting), the first to do a set of squats to get the same ass that we were told would keep ups from modeling because haute couture is not meant for “those figures.”

    In short, rushing out and paying good money for features that mainstream society has told Black women are unacceptable for generations.

    So on the one hand; I’m kind of like, is this really that much of a leap? If White society has been appropriating our looks, our slang, the very essence of our culture for generations (I’m looking at you Elvis) is it too much to assume that one day White people would start renouncing their Whitey-whiteness? Hell, everything else has been appropriated without payment.

    But on the other hand, I’m confused as to why anyone would purposefully give up their innate privilege to take on The Struggle. Because I’ll be honest- The Struggle is REAL.

    Don’t get me wrong. I love being Black. I love my culture, both African-American and the African culture of my fore-mothers. I love being a woman. Sometimes you have to thank God for the struggles you don’t have, and gender dysphoria is one I never had to even fathom. But it takes commitment-to-self to get up every day and be a Black Woman.

    It’s different than in my grandmother’s day and mother’s earlier years, but so, so much the same. It used to be legal to hang us from trees – you can call it a hate crime and get the federal government involved now, but those Negro-hanging White folks went home afterwards and raised some hateful, hateful children. Just turn on the news. Police brutality has not even bothered to pretend to change its target. And it is a struggle.

    It’s a struggle to interact with people who think you are the “exception” to the Black “rule.”

    It’s a struggle to see your people slaughtered literally and figuratively, EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.

    It’s a struggle to always wonder if the Black men in your life will come home. Hell, it’s not as sexy a topic, but quite a large number of our Black women don’t come home.  And it’s a struggle to be ignored by your own people as if your assault or death would mean nothing- and yet, to know, with the whole of your heart, that from the cradle to the grave, the respectability of an entire race/gender of people rests on your shoulders.

    It’s a struggle to be continually asked to choose between your Blackness and your Womanhood.  It’s a struggle to know that feminism is for White women.

    It’s a struggle to be marginalized in a 1000 little ways and 1000 huge ones.

    So given that struggle, I have to ask, why Rachel? What happened to make you take it on as a personal endeavor?

    See, I don’t think that effectively changing your race is about being “down for the cause” as it were. Let’s be honest. There are quite a few White women (and men) who have worked to advance the cause of the Black community without giving up their Whiteness.  Hell, this woman pledged a Black sorority and kept her Whiteness. In the 60’s, Rachel. IN.THE. SIXTIES.

    You could have been everything you are, and kept your White card.

    So what happened? Did you think we would not accept a White member of a NAACP chapter? History shows otherwise. Did you think that a college would not accept a White African studies professor? Did you think that no one would take you seriously and that you would not be as effective? I will allow that we as Black people tend to be wary of the Great White Hope. But history has shown that society needs the majority to speak about the ills against the minority. So why change? You can love everything about the Black culture and support Black culture in a respectful, thoughtful, meaningful way, and still be true to your authentic self.

    Which prompts me to ask- is this your authentic self? Is Race Dysphoria a thing?

    I have questions, Rachel. So, so many questions. I don’t know if we get to use this to denounce any of the good that you’ve done. I don’t know if this is an outrage-able offense. I do know that historically, light skinned Black people passed as White to avoid a life of horror.

    Given that so little has changed, I just need to understand why you would choose to renounce the comforts of White Womanhood.

    Maybe that sentence is the answer.

    And perhaps the demand for answers is unfair, not only because you don’t owe the entire country an explanation, but because I doubt very much you have any answers, even for yourself.